Red64

I remember bits and pieces now, how I decided to take this road. It was a choice I had to make for my son as I wanted him to grow up with moral values – with a spiritual anchor that would keep him from wandering to treacherous places. I deliberately turned away from what I was before because what I was before was someone not fit to guide a child to proper manhood. It’s easy to recall the subtle yet wild circumstances I’ve been in where I placed myself under fire. A life not particularly known to many, I had. You can call it double life so to speak. Why it has turned out the way that it had I must go further down memory lane to find out. And I’m not sure that I want to go back to it alone. It would be better if I have at least one soul that I can relate myself to and can help me decipher my past to reconstruct my present so I can make sense of all that I’m going through today.

There are voices in my head lately, whispering distant thoughts that bring memories from what I used to be. Somehow it seems hard to hear exactly what it tells me. Somehow it seems so loud yet so faint that it escapes my understanding. What did I used to be? I cannot even feel what it was like anymore. I feel stripped from my former self. This becomes utterly disturbing as I realize that there’s no way of knowing who I am in the present without a clear recollection and recognition of where I came from. What I now reckon is that I’ve evolved into this machine like person operating under the premise of mere survival and conformity to the society. I do not dislike it, how can I when it offers structure and order to things? But the program built in my head to continue living in this fashion is waning down. Maybe there was a virus attack of some kind or perhaps just the natural wear and tear after all, it’s been nearly 6 years since I started warping into the age old accepted world. Something tells me that this is not how I imagined life to be. Something tells me that this was not who I was before. Something tells me that this is not the path that I should take. I hear these voices… but they get lost in the noise of the hustle and bustle of everyday living.

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